This weekend my husband will take our 3 small children to a cabin, in the woods. He will be joining most of his immediate family members; His mom, his sister and her 2 children, his brother in law and other sister, and their 2 children, and his brother, and his 2 children. It will be a fun weekend! The adults will probably stay up late, play games, talk for hours about random topics, and genuinely enjoy their time together. Me? Why am I not going? Sigh! What a great question.
As chaotic as I know this weekend will be, you know..... having 9 children in a cabin is chaos in itself, I really do want to go along. I love Joshua's family. Well. Wait a minute. They're my family, too! Don't get me wrong, though. Family is family, so whether it be 'blood' or 'law' related, we do still have our frustrations, annoyances, and disputes. Even still...... they are my family, and I feel bummed that I'm staying behind. This will be the first time that I can recall that everyone will be getting together 'just because'. The weather will be great, there will be lots of yummy food, plenty of hands to help take care of the children, and absolutely NOTHING that has to be done. It will be a chill out, hang out, relaxed weekend.
Oh. Right! Why am I staying behind......?
Ok, so here's the deal. I'm swamped. Overloaded. Consumed! My 'to do' list isn't going to get 'all done' unless I have an empty house for atleast 24 hours. In and of itself, parenting my 3 young daugthers fills my day. Add homeschool, cleaning, laundry, yard work, (ok, blogging and email, and facebook), and all of the other things that seem to stay on the 'mommy list', and you'll understand that staying caught up is hard enough, much less getting caught up!
I can't seem to relax in my home. For weeks I have been so extremely stressed! I'm beyond leaving the house for an afternoon of 'alone time' to get a break. I'm too far gone. It's a terrible admission, but honestly, every single mistake, act of disobedience, scream/stomp/slammed door , every tattle, pout, whine, and poopie diaper..... ok- you get the point- every thing makes my heart race, and my blood boil.
It's like a teapot that has been on the stove for too long. It's boiling and steaming and that little whistle is going off..... and if you TAKE it off the heat, that whistle will stop blowing, right? But, if you put it right back on to the hot eye, the whistle starts up again.
That's me!!! The 'eye', is my responsibilies, having too much to do is the heat and the water is all of my stress that just keeps 'boiling'. I need cool down the eye, and add some ice to the water. THEN! When I'm placed back on the hot eye... I won't start steaming and whistling. Does this make sense? Well. It makes sense to me, and this is why I am staying home for the weekend.
My family is important to me. So important in fact, that I will pass up a weekend trip so that I can cool myself down enough to be a productive, patient, loving mommy. And an enjoyable, less-stressed, not-so -freaked- out- all -the- time wife.
Literally, all I need to do is wash a 100 loads of laundry, dry/fold/hang/ and then put it all away. I need to clean up floors and toilets and tables that have been ignored, and wipe down cabinets and sticky walls. (This might take me a day to complete if I can stay focused on ONE thing at a time).
Once I've finished the cleaning, I'll take on the tedious task of updating our budget, and then I'll probably start looking for stuff to give away and throw away in order to remove a bit more clutter. Can you say 'ahhhhhhh.......'? I will! (as soon as all that stuff is done).
11 months ago