Competing Scales.... UPDATE

Ya. Whatever. My sister (ya, Holly! I'm talkin' to you!) has totally beat me on the scale wars. She is (UGH!) a whoppiing 17 pounds less than me. Boo Hooo HOOOO!

Geesh. I hate food. I love it. Then hate it. Then just totally end up having a ridiculous affair with it. Chick Fil A- their waffle fries doused in Chick Fil A sauce??!!! Who said that it's a 'Christian' company? I know NO Jesus loving saint that would create something soooo sinful!! Nope. It's pure adultry to indulge in something sooooo tasty!

So- whatever Holly! You're winning. What-EV-ERRR!

But hey, guess what sister of mine. You look great! I'm proud of you- and genuinely happy for you. I know the frustration of the chub- and you're overcoming it. I love you. I love you. I hate you for being on the lighter side- but I LOVE YOU!!!! ;-)

History Review

Homeschool is PROVEN to breed super-brains. Well? Maybe not super-brains, but home educated children are TYPICALLY super-smart! Want proof???? Okie-Dokie!!!!

Today- at dinner- I was reviewing with Kyla, the history of Nomads.... turned to Farmers... on the Fertile Crescent- which inhabits the Nile, Euphraties, and the Tigris River.... as well as the region- Mesopotamia, and the city of Jericho. (this is important, so don't get bored)

So- I asked Kyla (age 6, 1st Grade)- "What is the name of the place where Nomads settled, and turned to farmers?" ...... her answer "The futile crescent?" "Good job! That's right. The Fer-TILE crescent."

"What are the rivers that are located on the fertile crescent?"

To which she replied "Mesopotamia?"

"Well......No... That is actually the region between the two rivers.... one of them is the Euphrates, and the other is......?"

and Zoe, (age 4, sorta-kinda doing the Pre-K thing) excitedly hollared "THE TIGER!!!"

"WHOA! High five Zoe. The Ti-GRiS, that's exactly right! YAY! Whoo Hoooo!"

Kyla- how is amazingly smart- has been studying this for a few days now. Zoe- also super smart- just sort of listened in during ONE of our sessions (which happened to be the names of the rivers)

Moving on..... I asked Kyla, "what was one of the things the farmers were afraid of, (now that they had food and animals)"

"Robbers."

"Right! So what did they do to keep out robbers?"

"Built big walls"

"And was Jericho the first or the last city to build that wall"

"The first!"

"Yay! Awesome. You're so smart!!!"

(during our lesson, earlier this week- we got to incorporate a Bible lesson with in our regular school stuff- we learned how BIG and THICK the wall was, so I asked her if she remembered how thick the wall was?)

"The wall was 10 feet thick?!" YES!!!! Awesome.

And she went on to answer (correctly) why it was such a big deal that the Isrealites marched around the city of Jericho to break the wall ('cause God said to.) Did stomping around the wall make it fall down? (no!!! GOD made it fall) Why? (because they obeyed Him!!!)

THIS is when it really sinks in that home schooling my children is OH SO awesomely better than any other form of education.

WE've got an interested 4 year old listening in on HISTORY, and retaining what she hears.

We've got a 6 year old that truly desires to learn more and more and MORE about GOD- what He said- what He did- HOW He did it....

Today- this entry is an important reference to WHY it is that I'm traveling around in crazy-town in an effort to educate my girls'. Love me some Crazy Town today!!

Mommy?

"Mommy? Which one cost less, paper towels or napkins?" -Kyla age 6, after she was asked to clean up a water mess. "I just need to know which one to use, so which one cost less?"

"Mommy? How is water made?" -Zoe, age 4

"Mommy? Moommmm-EEEEE. Food? Eat? FOOD! EAT!!!!" -Leah, age 23 months

Sing- Sing a Song.

This will be short.

I just have to say- I love doing Kindermusik with Leah. Kindermusic? Kinder Music. I don't remember how to spell it.

Anyway- it's a sweet time to spend with my (almost) 2 year old.

My older girls play with the other older kids' of parents that attend. They love the play time.

And I get 45 minutes of uninterupted play time with sweet Leah.

We sing. Dance. Play. And learn!

She sings with me now- at home. (Way too shy to do it in class, sweet baby of mine.)

She has favorite songs, that she'll sing during her random toddling around our house- and couples the song with the hand motions we've learned.

I love it. Did I say that already? I just love it!!!

We're getting ready to go to class, now- and my heart is full of thankfulness that it's a weekly routine that she, I, and even Kyla and Zoe truly look forward to!

Of course!

Of course, I love my children. I have been blessed with 3 tremendous girls. Each, in their own way, bring light and life into MY existence.

I am thankful that I get to stay home, and educate them. I am so very thankful that I've had the opportunity to watch them grow, and learn- right here in our home.

This morning- however- I'm questioning (for the 783rd time) my ability to 'get it right'.

Here's a little glimpse of this week's events:

Kyla- she's reverted back to the WHINE. 6 years later- we're still struggling with the on again off again of the whiney-wine-whine! In turn, I've noticed that any and all loving patience that I should be giving to her has fleed. That nurturing attention that she is in need of? Gone. I really need to get that back! For her sake; because she has started showing her sisters the SAME ungraceful, impatient attitude that I've shown her. (There is NOTHING like a mirror image to show us Mommy's what NOT to day, or how NOT to behave. In that respect, I am so very humbled that God chose to gift me with a visual aid to enable me to assess my behavior.)

With our first FULL year of home school, the whine, I suppose, should have been expected. She hasn't really been allowed the opportunity to focus and have an undisturbed session of school since we've started. I know I'm frustrated about this! I should expect the same from her.

And Leah! Where did her terrorizing screech come from??? She's been the sweet angel for almost 2 years, and SUDDENLY, I'm thrown into a totally new arena these last few weeks. Scream. Scream. Screech. Cry. Cling. Oh Lord please have mercy!!

Am I painting a picture yet? A 6 year old whine, along side a 2 year old screech.... All. Day. Long.

And THE DOG. THE DOG!!!!!!!!!!! Why was I stupid? Why did we get that dog?! I wanted a little yapper dog. One that was tiny enough skip around the house after the girls. One that did NOT shed. One that didn't eat pounds of food day in and day out, costing us way more than expected in dog food fees! I wanted a little dog, so that (IF) it had an 'accident', it would be a tiny puddle to clean up, rather than the LAKE that this big Pointer breed pees when HE has an accident alllll over our floor. I wanted a little dog that wouldn't need so much time to run and run and bounce around outside- because it's not like I actually needed one more chore to take on.

This dog. UGH! He barks. And barks. And it's loud. And unending... if we tie him outside in an effort to allow him some running time. All I here is "BARK. BARK. BARK. BARK!!!!" (he's on a 'runner' that my husband put up- specifically in an area, MIND YOU, that he will not get tangled up in. He's got room to roam, though on a leash!)

And- I don't know! I just feel like I'm going backward most of the time.

Leah empties out the cereal box in the midst of school time- I have to redirect her- and then get side tracked cleaning up the mess.

Kyla gets antsy, waiting on me, and starts.... you guessed it! Whining!

Back to school, and the dark starts YELPING outside. Sidetracked again to march my frustrated self out the door and hollar "HUSH!" (and Leah is copying me in this- and has started walking around our house yelling "HUSH! HUSH! GOGGIE! (doggie) HUSH!!!"

Zoe has been my relief- she is little Ms. Obedient.

In many efforts to clean our house- again- I get sidetracked. Leah and Zoe are playing downstairs when I hear a big "Whaaaaa NOOOOOOO!!!!" from Leah, followed by the gut-wrenching screech. Zoe has picked up a toy she wanted.

I get lost in the house work. Going to and from each chore- not accomplishing anything in full!

And on a good day- when I can somewhat get a grasp on school, and houswork- I find that the dog has run a muck in our yard, and taken the trash out of the bins, spreading it all over the front and side of our house.

You think I'm exaggerating, don't you? Complaining perhaps?

Nope. Just outlining a day in the life of Mommy.

So- of course!! I love my family. I love that I ge to live my life WITH my children- taking care of them, raising them myself- instead of simply providing for them and sending them to a day care or public school to be raised by somebody else.

It's just not that easy. It's not always rewarding during the day.

But- in the quiet of the night- I do ponder the gift I've been given. I think fondly of my children, and my husband, (no... not the dog!) I think of all the things I could or should be doing. (read previous post- which was written in the very quiet of the late-very late night hours) I praise God for my husbands helping hand, and the view he often gives to me from the 'outside' perspective. "She's only 6, Amber. It's understandable...... I know it gets tough- but Leah is just in that 'stage', she'll grow out of it soon- just like the other girls did."

What God has given to me- allowing a refreshing in my relationship with HIM, turning that refreshment into a new love for my husband, and a new understanding of how important it is to really focus on raising our children in a Truth-filled home- it's unexplainable. I'm forever thankful. I couldn't do this with out Jesus. I couldn't do it with out my husbands' support. I could NEVER do it alone.

That doesn't mean, though- that these days of chaos don't or won't exist. I just have to 'walk them out'.

(this is for me- again. another reminder to visit when I find myself getting in a rut)

The Prayers of a Little Child

Zoe. Oh Zoe.

Today- I was plagued with a monstrous headache. I mean- it was long lasting- exhausting- painful- just plain ol' BAD headache!

At the YMCA is where it initially started. The girls' are doing "Homeschool P.E." and I was trying to get in some work out time. Nope. I couldn't do it. It was a sweet (So Sweet) blessing to get to LAY DOWN outside the pool area there, in the bright sunshine, and take a short nap- in an effort to get the pain to at least dwindle down to bearable.

I put in my ear buds- had nice queue of quiet worship playing, and felt rested when I went back inside to get the girls out of their "class". And God allowed my headache to sufficiently dwindle down so that I could, in fact, bear the pain.

I made an attempt at a caffeine remedy via Starbucks on the way home, but it didn't actually help at all. All 3 of my amazingly awesome girls took a nap once we got home.... and after about 30 minutes of their napping, I caved and decided to go up to my bed for another rest. (P.S. I also took tylenol- no help)

JUST as I was making my way up the stairs, I saw the curly curls of a certain 4 year old at the top of our 1970's green paisley carpeted stairwell. "HEY MOMMY!!!! Can i come downstairs now??!!!"

"Oh.... hey Zoe-Zoe....... Hmmm??. You know what!?!? Will you come lay down in my bed with me for juuuust a few minutes? Mommy's head hurts really bad- so I should take a little rest." (Mommy and Daddy's bed is typically OFF limits. Joshua has made it a rule- no kids in the bed- so it's a very rare instance that either of us would invite them to lay down with us)

"OH SURE, Mommy!!! I'll come lay down with you" (I wish you all could hear the spunk and joy in our Zoe's voice.)

I layed down on 'Daddy's' side of the bed, and she did a hoppity plop onto my side of the bed. She lays down.... for about 3 seconds. And hops right back up- and looks over at me with huge, inquisitive sparkly blue eyes.

"Mommy? Your head hurts really bad?"

"Ya, Zoe. It hurts really bad. I just need to lay down and be very quiet for a little tiny bit"

"Okay.... Don't give your headache to ME Mommy! Ok?!?" (genuine joy poured out with those words)

A few seconds later:

"Does your head still hurt?"

"Yeah. It does."

"Awwwww. Ok Mommy (insert VERY excited voice) I'll PRAY FOR YOU!!!! 'Dear Jesus please help mommy's head not hurt-amen'. Does it still hurt, Mommy?" (and she lays her sweet hand on my head)

At this point, I'm faced with somewhat of a dilema. My head DOES still hurt. In fact, it hurts terribly! BUT- I've just been prayed for by the enormous faith of a little child! I know that my head will quit hurting soon- so my answer was this:

"Yeah, Zoe. My head hurts right now- but you just prayed for it to NOT hurt, so I'm going to lay here very patiently, and very quietly and wait for it to quit hurting. It will quit hurting. I just have to be patient."

In a loud whisper, she says "Ok Mommy...... We'll be patient!"

I offered her a sincere Thank You for praying for me. And she layed her little hand on my head again and gave me a "you're welcome" in return.

She continued to hop and plop and bounce and talk while I layed there. Patiently. As quiet as I could be. As still as one could get with a lively 4 year old laying beside them.

I asked Zoe to sing me a song about Jesus while we waited. (No. I'm not that "super spiritual"- I was selfishly trying to get her to stop asking me questions and to stop bouncing so I could rest)

And so she asked!....... "Is the ABC song about Jesus?" (no? not really) "Is Twinkle Little Star about Jesus? (um? kind of.) "OH! I KNOW! JESUS LOVES ME! Is that about Jesus?" (yes. it is... and I couldn't help it- I started giggling. She is so innocent. So genuine.)

"OK. GOOD! I'll sing THAT song."

But she didn't sing the traditional "Jesus Loves Me This I Know...."

She sang "Jesus Loves Me. He loves me. He loves you. Jesus loves me. He's so strong. He's so goooooood."

(not at all to the tune of the traditional song, either. it was to the tune of "Zoe's voice"- the sweet happy joyful playful jubilant tune of Zoe)

While she was singing, I was praying "God. Please let me remember everything she's singing- so I can write it down. Please don't let me forget. Please let me remember this time I get with Zoe"

After her song- she jumped on and off the bed in search of books to 'read' to me. I dozed a little. And she bounced back on the bed- put her little hand on my head (again) and said "HEY! Your headache is gone. I just felt it. It's gone."

She waited. Patiently. For my headache to be gone. And she was just as, if not more, excited as I was when it had no longer held me down.

And here's what I got out of that time with Zoe.

A) God will heal us. We just have to wait. Patiently. Quietly. We have to wait. We may not be 'healed' in the way WE thought we'd be healed. But we will ,indeed- be healed.

B) As frustrating and seriously painful as that headache was- as certain as I am that Satan had an agenda for that headache- GOD turned it into a beautiful, priceless time spent with Zoe- I'll endure many more headaches and more and more pain if need be to gain that quality time with all of my girls. I don't want to HAVE TO endure the pain- but I will.

There's no way to explain how important it is for me to stop and be still long enough to savor the years of my daughters' youth.

Kyla- The Lord layed out some awesome conviction today where my incredible 6 year old is concerned. I'll have to fill in the blanks at a later time- but as a reminder to myself- it has to do with an evening out with a friend to listen to Christine Cain teach tonight at Free Chapel. To her daughter she spoke "You are beautiful and intellegent. You are the head, and not the tail. You are a leader and not a follower. You are above and not beneath........" That's my conviction. To speak life into my daughters'! Why haven't I been doing that all along!!?!

Leah- She is a cuddle-bug through and through- and she's been missing out on cuddles and lovin' time with her Mommy. Her behavior reflects that she, too, is missing out on quality time that she needs and deserves. Why oh why have I been BLIND to the needs and desires of my girls'? Or was it not that I was blind, but very, very selfish with my time? Probably the latter. I am so selfish where time management is concerned, especially!

And Zoe.... I'm so thankful that today was a Zoe day. Zoe. The Life of God. The prayers of a little child- certainly heard, and beautifully delivered. Thank you Jesus!

I'm All Ears.....

I want to hear more.

I want to listen very close.

I want to retain it all.

I want to stay on guard, and keep watch.

God is telling me something.

He's speaking.

He's got so much to say!

I'm all ears, Lord! I Am ALL ears!

Tell me more.

Tell me, tell me, tell me!

And NEVER let me forget it.

Never let it go out of my brain.

Keep it all there.

In the very front!

I want to grow!

I want to be captivated

I want to be- NO!- I want to REMAIN in awe

I want to stand amazed

Forever and Ever

While here- on this Earth- I want to listen.

I want to keep my ears tuned to YOUR voice

I want to shut out the world's "wisdom"

and hear only YOUR truth

Becoming wise in YOUR ways, Father

Create in me a teachable spirit

Let me learn

Let me be wise

Let me be diligent

Let me be in constant search of more- more of You.

You have so much to tell me

and I am but a simple minded fool

Change my mind

Make it Yours

I am all ears, Lord

Tell me more!

Maybe

I don't know- but maybe I need to create a new blog- one that is private, that nobody knows about. A blog about something that is getting stirred up in me.

A blog that can be used to bring God some mass-Glory when all the stirring that's going on turns into a reality. Something that is being written (typed) out- as 'things' start progressing, and when it's all accomplished, sharing what God has been- is- and will be doing will be a matter of a copy (the link) and paste (it all over the place).

Maybe I should be able to journal- but it's just not happening. My hands are programmed to type out my thoughts- it's easier to back space than it is to erase and rewrite when I've found that what I penned out isn't 'worded' the way I want it to be.

I hope to literally BRAG to the world that God is the biggest- the bestest, THE ONE TRUE GOD. I hope to make it clear to any person that has the ability to read that Jesus is the Way- The Truth- and The Life.

How easy is that to do these days? No more door to door witnessing. Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, BLOGSPOT.... it's incredibly easy to share a whole lotta Awesome with the world.

God gave me a desire to 'write'. I enjoy it. It's easy for me to type and type and type and eventually end up with a story that actually makes sense. I'm not saying that I'm some Charles Dickens, or PAUL..... but I am an Amber Anderson- and God can use me if He so chooses to do so- to write, and share HIS power.

So? Maybe I should start a private blog. So I can have freedom in my writing. And with that freedom, I'll have less hesitancy to express that 'stirred' up-ness that is going on.

Truth Be Told

It's amazing (INCREDIBLE) what a dishing out of TRUTH can do!

The TRUTH is- Satan is a butt-head.

The TRUTH is- Satan has REAL, for real intentions to totally DESTROY every persons life.

The TRUTH is- You (and I) are NOT being bypassed in Satan's intentions. Even if life seems to be going swell...... fine and dandy... super duper AWESOME, Satan has a plan, and that plan is to keep us bound. To keep us in a luke-warm state of living. Satans plan is to totally kill us dead.

The TRUTH is- With out Jesus, with out FULLy completely turning our life over to HIM, Satan will win the battle for our life.

Nope... I didn't say ' go to church, clap your hands... do a little dance and pretend like your super-christian'. I said- FULLY putting our life in HIS hands. Not sorta-kinda. Not saying a little 'Hey God, it's me... Margaret' here and there and going to a Sunday school class for your little 'fire insurance' certificate. I mean "Here's my life- ALL OF IT- take it. TAKE IT ALL... and do what YOU want with it- IT'S YOUR's LORD!"

The TRUTH is- WITH JESUS, we've got an entire ARMY fighting for us in that battle- and just by calling out HIS NAME. "JESUS!" The demons in HELL shutter and cower. Not any other name but the name of Jesus.

The Truth is that God has a plan for our life, too. Not to destroy us- but to prosper us. Not to create strife- but to bring peace. God's plan is way better. His WAYS are waaaaay better. The world has nothing to offer- NOTHING that compares to what THe KING has in store for us.

And here's a little more- this stuff- all I just wrote- I didn't write that for 'you'.....as in- I'm not tryin' to preach a sermon or make anyone assume I'm some 'Awesomer-Than-Thou' person.

I wrote that as a REMINDER to me. Because I am so STUPID in my walk down Narrow Rd. that MOST OF THE TIME I find myself wandering toward 'Easy Street'.

I keep on trying to do it alone- Amber's Way- (with out even realizing it!)

I find myself using 'my ideas' or 'my desires' to guide me in this life- and inevitably, it leads me onto some crazy spirally road called Chaos Street (it's the one in between Easy St. and Narrow Rd)- and sooner or later, I realize that I'm dizzy, confused, and ready to barf my guts out-- to lay down and DIE just to escape the challenge of finding my way through the damage I've done.

I need constant reminders of how serious this life I'm living really is. It's not easy. It's not. But dang it- it's a whole lot easier WITH Jesus than it is with OUT Him. And I need to STOP being dumb- and realize that Amber's way is always-always- alllllll-waaaaaays going to suck.

"If you find yourself making big plans- STOP. Stop. Drop and Kneel. Stop- is this God? Drop- whatever you're doing- Kneel- and PRAY until you have a WORD."

(I have not a clue where that is from- it was hidden somewhere in my brain- I guess I must've read it somewhere)

I do want to......

Praise You in the Storm..... Lord- I do want to! Really..... realllllllllllly want to just 'raise my hands and praise the God who gives- and takes away'

But I don't know how to do it this time. I don't know how NOT to call out to Jesus- IN FRUSTRATION! "Lord- you were sappose to have taken care of this." "Lord! I feel like you've left me- abandoned me."

I'm sick- SICK of Christians not being transparent. I'm sick of feeling like I'm the only one amidst a storm. THE STORM! I know I'm not. Good grief, people. Suck IT UP! You're not perfect- your life isn't awesomeness ALLLLL the stinkin time. It's hard. Life. Is. Hard.

That "Life is Good" crap? Annoying. Oh- Sure. There are times, that life is truly goooood! Real good. But in reality- Life is Hard. That's what's real. Stick THAT on a t-shirt!

And here's the awesome thing I've learned (the hard way) about transparency. You don't have to be like--- all up in your face transparent. As in- here's all by 'bid-ness' layed out for you to pick apart.

But transparent as in- THIS SUCKS! It sucks. Sucks. SUCKS! (ya. I said "SUCKS!") Cause it does. I'm sick of the rain. The thunder. The lighning. THE ELECTROCUTION. Teee-RD of it. (redeck Teeerd of it!) It's 'whack'. It's 'lame'. I'm 'over it'. I hate it.

I hate the storm.... while I'm in it. I tend to HATE the person that is the cause of my storm. I tend to absolutely DETEST the human being that is the center of that freakin' whirl-wind chaos.

But I don't want to. And I don't need to.

So- here's some naked-ness for you.

Marriage is the hardest freakin' thing. Add in a few kids- various strong holds, and... BAM! Emeril ain't got NOTHIN' on you. Or me. BAM. POW. Ka-Plooo-EEE! EXPLOSION!

It's hard. I don't care who you are- whoever is reading this random blog. I don't care what you think about me- my family- or what-EVER! Life is Hard! I want to Praise my GOD in the storm. But mostly- I end up lifting up my praise after it's blown over. That's what's real for me. Maybe- just maybe- I'll be awesome enough to be all WHOO HOOO during the chaos. But right now? I am NOT awesome. Not. At. ALL!!!!