Today- I learned some super important "things" about the person I am..... and guess what?!?!
I am awesome!
God hooked me up with some really cool gifts. I didn't ask for them- I never EVER would have asked for them. As a matter of fact. I totally- most of my life- have actually cried out "WHY ME!?!?!" because I thought my gifts were- in fact- curses. (Melodramatic? No! I hate that word.)
Before today, I thought that who I was, was messed up. Whatever. There were some good things about me- but all in all, around in a whole, I felt messed up.
Most of my life, and this is no exaggeration, I assumed that there was something totally really wrong with me. I've always been hyper-sensitive, and easily overwhelmed. My Daddy put it nicely when he would say "Well, Amber? You're a little high-strung, like your Grandma." (A little? No- no- no- no? A LOT!)
Blah blah blah- I'm not gonna get into all the details, but what I do want to say is this:
God made me. I'm perfect- because He made me. I've heard it over, and over again- "God doesn't make any mistakes." And I knew this was true for everyone else- but I never believed it for me. I knew that I was messed up, I mean- seriously- I lived with myself. There was no hiding from myself.
Ya ya ya. I knew God loved me, and that He didn't purposely mess me up- but I genuinely assumed that He chose not to fix me.
Not gonna lie- I've harbored a lil' bit of frustration with Him in that. "Hey God- that blind dude? You healed him. Why won't You hook me up with a little-bit-of-healing? I'd rather be blind than to deal with THIS."
Here's the COOLEST part of all- He didn't need to fix me. I wasn't broken. I just needed the wisdom and knowledge that He had to offer in order to comprehend why it seemed like I was messed up. I got a taste, Mmmmm.... a sweet taste of that knowledge today. I'm savoring it. Yum. It's so good!!!!
And........ I'm gonna leave the rest of this story in my drafts- cause I'm not ready to detail it. I don't care to share it, don't get me wrong- but I feel the need to sit on it, and soak it up, and dwell in the Truth that I found today before I publicly put it all out there.
I've blogged about some personal stuffs. I'm an open book (or web-page) so to speak. This isn't so much a "personal" thing that I get to marinate in, more of a core realization..... psh..... whatever.
It's something I get to really breath in, for as long as I want- and as long as I need.
I get to "breath" it in. How beautiful is that? I get to inhale the breath of God. In my quiet place......
I titled this "At The Dump". This cool chick told me today, "You just gotta take it- whatever it is, just take it to the dump. Dump it at the Cross. And walk away."
I think, blogging, is kind like, a pit stop for me, before I get to The Dump.
Thanks for riding with me.
9 months ago